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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Dissecting Bad Relationships

Lately I've been talking to friends who have came right out and told me that they are jealous of my current relationship which is going so fantastic. They are ranting and raving about how their relationships are so bad and they are just generally unhappy with the situation. One woman is dating a married man and the other is involved with an unmotivated, jobless, perpetual cheater. Now I know it seems like we all know what's wrong with these pictures without needing to know the whole story, but I implore you to look deeper into why these women stay in such obviously unhealthy relationships. Furthermore, I want you to look at your own relationships and decide why it is that you stay in those as well.

It has taken me a long time to find happiness in a relationship and I have realized it is because I needed that time to first find happiness within myself, by myself. You can not fully commit to a relationship if you haven't first fully committed to yourself. When you enter a relationship broken, you do so with baggage and expectations of the other person making you whole. It is unfair to place sole responsibility for your happiness on another person's shoulders. What you are essentially doing is draining the life and energy from your partner rather than inputting your positivity along with theirs to build you both up. Now just imagine the chaos that ensues when both people come to the table broken. You both become codependent parasites leaching off each other's happiness until there is nothing left and you fall into the cesspool of negativity and loneliness you have buth dug for yourselves.

Relationships are merely reflections of our own self-image. If you think your partner isn't good enough, then you probably don't think that you're good enough either. If you believe that your deserve better then you will demand better. It is as simple as that. So if you find yourself in an unhappy, dead-end and/or abusive relationship, it is up to you to examine why you are really there. End it and let it die. Go ahead and grieve for it but in your grieving, learn from it and grow. Remember, opposites do not attract, only complements do so if you find yourself repeating a pattern of bad relationships, it is time for some thorough self-exploration. Your happiness is really in your hands.

4 comments:

S. Ali Myers - Soulful Body & Mind said...

Niquenya,

You are so right! You must first work on self before you can enjoy a relationship. If you are unhappy, more times than not, your relationship will be unhealthy. Who's in the mirror when you look into it? Build up number 1 (you) before you join number 2 (mate).

Peace!
- Ali

Anna Goldstein said...

I agree. Relationships are mirror's into yourself. How your relationship is, is a reflection of what you think of yourself. If you don't like it - work on yourself.

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